The Fall Semester has begun again at the Academy of Art University, and I am an online only student. Not that I would not like to be in the pleasant company of fellow artists sharing and doing projects together, but I live in a place where an MFA is very unavailable. Here, they worship activities that involve objects that are either round or filled with air. Sometimes both. So art and science tend to get put on the back burner much to the demise of the local intellectual crowd. We are so few that I don’t even know where any of them exist. I am sure they are here, existing and waiting for something of interest to occur.
So my online education is what keeps me hoping for a brighter future. Each semester arrives with the stress of an expensive tuition that by the time the semester ends is discovered to be worth the cost as I finish with a feeling that I have gained something more than money lost. And once again the time has arrived for my ritual freak out about school. It’s always something different, and I never expect it to happen, but it does. This time it’s the incredibly expensive materials and the online system that seems to be working in a less than an efficient manner. The GUI for the online system has changed so they probably have a few programming bugs to stomp out, and more than likely by the end of the next week all will be fine. But right now, I don’t feel fine.
I have this feeling that I will be overwhelmed by the amount of work and learn nothing except that I am a dismal failure. What a way to start the semester! I keep telling myself that I managed alright in the previous semesters and should be able to complete the required course work once again to a satisfactory degree. Did I mention that I want the best possible grades and to understand completely everything that is presented? Yah, I’m one of those students. Perhaps I feel that way because I was never taken seriously by my teachers in my K-12 education. It was my classmates that told me that I was smart and should be in higher learning level classes. They saw past the dyslexic problems that the educators could not. I wonder how many kids suffer from lack luster elementary and secondary education and are not lucky enough to encounter the gifted students in classes like band. Yes, that’s right, music class gave me the opportunity to be with children that were of the same intellectual capacity, and those children were the reason why I actually started to look for more challenging course work. These kids were brutally honest and would have never held the truth back if they did not think I had the potential to be something more.
This brings this rambling blog back to the topic that I live in a place where they worship activities that involve objects that are either round or filled with air, and music, art, and science are being set aside for those activities, which are basically geared for only leisure and entertainment purposes. As time goes on we are actually becoming less diverse and more plastic cookie cutter factory type people that only know how to sell stuff or clean up messes in hotels and restaurants. The creative innovation combined with the genius of scientific know how will go away along with our individuality. A very sad possible future to not look forward to.
I’ll get over my fears and concerns. I have to. I have no other choice or else I will have to become one of the plastic cookie cutter factory type people that have no dreams other than to come home and watch a ball game on the TV until tired enough to fall asleep.
Don’t stop dreaming or trying to reach your goals.
G. Winkler ©2013