Feeling Lost

I have been waiting for the refund for my online class.   I am actually afraid to complain because I am worried that I will not get my funds returned.   Logically, that would be highly unethical, but lately, people and organizations have been proving themselves to be lacking in ethics.  Silly, I guess, but after a mere week and a half, I only get back 75% of my tuition for a class that was very poorly organized.  There’s no way I could call that a graduate level course.  I will explain more once I get my money back, but for the moment I am stuck with my feelings.

And the feelings are a sincere deep disappointment.  I had a great deal of dreams and aspirations wrapped around the prospect of getting my MFA.  One cannot even get a door opened without a Masters level of education in fields requiring art knowledge.  So I could be as creative and fantastic as one could be, but the door would never open.  I was hoping to obtain a “door opener” along with a way to improve myself.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe three classes I did have that were organized properly did help me as an artist.  Everyone around me saw improvement.  I saw improvement, and it was a wonderful feeling.  So now I am facing a Fall without a class to stress about or gain knowledge from.   It does feel empty despite the fact that I did feel a great deal of anxiety when classes were going, but it was the kind of stress that was positive.  It was about growth and maturing as an artist.

In addition, I find myself agonizing about the expensive materials I had to buy for the color theory class as well.  I thought about returning the materials, but I had a bad tube of paint that I contacted the school store about earlier and I am still waiting for my refund.  So now you know why I wonder if I will see my tuition refund any time soon.  If they can’t be bothered to send back the funds for a tube of defective paint, then what about the tuition?   The school certainly has not gained my confidence in their ability to do certain things correctly.

And the final aspect about dropping the class and perhaps leaving the entire program is the major question of what will I do now?  This is perhaps the most agonizing because it has this sad almost fatalistic feeling to it.  I am not getting any younger and it would be nice to do these things while I am still capable of enjoying them and throwing energy and excitement into them.

What …………..will I do now?

G. Winkler ©2013

Gretchen Winkler is a Writer, Artist, Radio Show Co-Host on User Friendly 2.0, Cosplayer/Designer, and ordered Knight. She is currently working on several Star Wars novel projects and does editing and proof reading for Bill Sikkens & KPAM the Answer Portland radio. For the past 20 years she has authored several informational websites, started several technical companies, and has been an avid student of art, literature, history, technology.

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Posted in Art, Education, Goals, Online Study
2 comments on “Feeling Lost
  1. Rob says:

    Thirteen years on from graduating and art school is still giving me various levels of apolexy. Hang in there.


  2. Chiryuu says:

    I am surprised that I came across your blog posting on the AAU’s school twitter feed. And I certainly know what you are going through. I went there for my BFA, and I’m not even sure if the amount of which I paid was equivalent to the learning I needed that is required to enter into the industry. But I hope they did refund you. They’re online administrative system is very slow, and the office structure is very old fashioned. Nothing is computerized despite the amount of money they probably make from all the students’ tuition every year.


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