The dress form from Hell

I am starting to feel the way Anakin looks.

I am starting to feel the way Anakin looks.

Okay.  I am about to lose my mind.  You know the costume project that I mentioned months ago.  I am still supposed to do it, but I have had nothing but problems trying to get this project started let alone even work on anything.

Let me tell you about the dress form from hell.  A dress form for those of you who do not know what one is…is a piece of equipment that can be shaped like a human male or female and is specially adjusted to the size of a specific person.  This allows the tailor or seamstress or costumer in my case to make sure the clothing fits the person in question without having to bother the person constantly for adjustments and “try ons”.  My friend, who asked me to make this costume, has one because he gets his clothes tailored and his tailor had one especially for him.  The tailor was very busy so I agreed to do the project.  And since my friend does not live near me, sending me this piece of equipment was the solution to the problem.

Yah,…..this is the story of the dress form from hell…..  The following is a list of events that have involved just the dress form.


  • We decided to pick up the item from California since we were going to be in the area.  We never heard from the tailor and could not meet up with him.
  • Then it was realized that the tailor was so busy it would be easier to send the item to us.  So my friend planned to have it put on an airplane and flown from San Jose to the Outer Rim where I live and I would pick it up from the airport. The damn planes don’t fly here because the Outer Rim is too primitive or something.
  • Okay, so my friend decides to have it shipped express with a tracking number.  He told me it would arrive in five or so days and gave me the number and told me I would have to go to the shipping place to pick it up because I would have to sign for it.
  • It didn’t arrive.
  • And it didn’t arrive.
  • And……it didn’t arrive.
  • So I contacted my friend who had to have an intense conversation with the shipping people.  Well, apparently the shipping company didn’t follow the instructions and shipped it as freight instead of what my friend purchased.  And mind you, my friend spent the money for the fast shipping.  So instead of being sent directly to the Outer Rim, it was down in Arizona.
  • Still not arrived.  By truck it should have arrived within a few days of that discovery.  So then the rumor was that it ended up in Las Vegas……
  • Then my friend said it showed up for sale on Ebay!!!
  • So then my friend had to call the cops and all kinds of crazy stuff. Luckily, the cops were able to retrieve the dress form from the criminals, so now the item is part of a crime investigation and my friend explains to the police that the item is needed for a project that has a deadline that is coming sooner and sooner as each week goes by.  So they manage to get the dress form to the sheriff’s department in the Outer Rim.
  • We wait again.  We call and find out that this is an odd situation and the sheriff had to do some figuring out on how to handle such a situation, so finally it is supposed to be with the UPS people and we told them that we planned to pick it up ourselves and sign for it.
  • They decide to try and deliver it on the day I was away from the house, and when we call them about this, they said they would deliver it to my friend’s apartment complex that evening.  They never showed up.
  • We have a tripped planned and will be gone.  The item is delivered to the apartment complex while we are away.  The apartment people kindly lock it away safely in their office.
  • So we had to wait until it was Monday to get into the apartment complex office.
  • The lady who had the keys was mugged the previous night and had her purse stolen, which held master keys to the complex, so all the locks had to be immediately changed for the complex.
  • So, new keys were made, but for some reason the new lock for the office where the package that we are waiting for is stored in will not open anymore.  The lock is faulty.  They cannot get into the room.
  • That was this morning.  The lock smith has been called and will show up around 3-5pm.

I am expecting the lock smith the have a flat tire or his wife have a baby.  Which do you think it will be?

There is more to this story of the Jedi Temple Guard costume, but it involves other parts and people.  I think I am going to lose my mind.  I am so stressed beyond belief.  I feel like I could go Anakin at any moment.

And I have not even started the project!!!!

G. Winkler ©2015

PS – There are so many problems with this project that it is mathematically possible but highly improbable.  This would even tax Data’s mind.

UPDATE: The box was empty and it had been stolen a second time!!!!


Gretchen Winkler is a Writer, Artist, Radio Show Co-Host on User Friendly 2.0, Cosplayer/Designer, and ordered Knight. She is currently working on several Star Wars novel projects and does editing and proof reading for Bill Sikkens & KPAM the Answer Portland radio. For the past 20 years she has authored several informational websites, started several technical companies, and has been an avid student of art, literature, history, technology.

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Posted in Business, Costume

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