I made a Painting

Posted on October 15, 2023 by G. Winkler — Leave a comment

I still miss Jeremy. He was the reason why life was livable. I don’t think I will recover from this. The so called new normal is shit. We complimented each other perfectly. He helped me with the stuff I was bad at, and I helped him with the stuff that he was bad at. And we truly excelled when we worked on stuff together. He once said to me in the early months of our relationship that he did not know what to do for me. He could not buy me stuff because I already had things and I did not need things to be done. I was surprised by this comment, and I think it really showed me what kind of existence he lived with his mother. He was nothing but a tool to be used and women only wanted gifts from men. I told him that all I wanted was his time and his friendship. He seemed perplexed by this reply but as time wore on, he became comfortable with the idea that a person could value his company and time more than material objects and slave labor.

He was truly an amazing man. The fact that he did not go down the angry rabbit hole after years of emotional abuse from his mother and the lack of caring by his father was impressive. The luminous being that ran the Jeremy body was a brilliant star of kindness, creativity, and loyalty. So many words come to mind when I try to describe him. He was complicated. And I often find it disturbing that the world would probably forget who he was since his luck with good opportunities were disturbingly stolen from him. He was supposed to do a national commercial for Toys R Us, he was supposed to do voice work for the Star Wars Mandalorian series, he was supposed to do a part in the Lucifer Series’ Movie. It was like an evil force was out to get him and me. We never gave up fighting that darkness whatever it was and from wherever it came from. He did share his voice on our radio show called User Friendly, which was later called User Friendly 2.0 where we chatted about science, technology, and pop culture. He had a great voice. He had a kind and playful demeanor.

I decided to make a portrait of him after trying to get a copy of his fingerprints from some nasty company that prays on grieving family members. They were selling expensive keepsakes. The local coroner kindly gave me a digital copy of them. So I finally had the image……..what should I now to do with them? Then I decided I would paint a portrait that was unconventional. I had already made a portrait of him in his Landsknecht gear from RenFaire many years ago. He liked it despite the fact that his mother proclaimed that it looked nothing like him. ……What a bitch….everyone else saw the resemblance…….she was just pure f–king evil……

So below is the picture I made to honor him and document just a small amount of the things he liked, enjoyed, or worked on. This all came from within him and not from external family influence. He spent a lot of time alone and liked to read. An avid reader with a thirst for knowledge. It does not fully encompass the complex man, but it gives a small hint of who he was.

G. Winkler (c) 2023

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Posted in Art, death, grief, Inspiration

Looming Anniversary

Posted on September 8, 2023 by G. Winkler — Leave a comment

So why such an ominous title for a wedding anniversary? It would have been our 27th anniversary. He died six months ago. It still does not feel real. I still want him to come through the door saying he had been delayed by bad weather or it was some kind of odd training course that took him away from me for six months. We never spent more than three days apart, and that was only because of an unpleasant family member that would bully and guilt him into using his only vacation time to spend with her. I often wondered if he went to keep her from showing up at our home. He would often come back home feeling bloated from tons of unhealthy restaurant food, cheap junk she would buy for him, and a strange sense of irritation that would eventually wear off. He would explain the arguments they would have and how she would tell him that everything he did was wrong and that he should listen to her. This was a constant for him for his entire relationship with her.

We literally had no idea how dark her personality was. There was always that vague hope that she would change and……become a real mom. You know, that person who thinks of their kid’s well being first before their own, that person who nurtures their child to be able to take care of themselves and to find someone to love. That person who supports without judgement and derision and listens when the times are tough. You know,….a mom. Sadly, I thought she was going through menopause when we met. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. That was a mistake.

Our wedding was supposed to be fun and since I had been married before, I wanted Jeremy to be able to have a lot of say in what he wanted. We had been doing fencing and Ren Faire and most of our friends belonged to these groups. The Ren Faire friends tended to be short on funds and would not be able to go someplace and get a hotel room, so we thought it would be fun to have a wedding at a Ren Faire. It did not have to be fancy but just fun for us and to be with friends and family. Our parents split the costs and by having it at a local Ren Faire, it would keep the costs down. We were friends with a woman that wanted to put on an actual Ren Faire in the area and she jumped at the idea of allowing the wedding to be held at her event. It would be something for those that attended the event to be able to watch, which was fine with us. Then the woman wanted to sell t-shirts of us. That was weird. Jeremy and I wanted nothing to do with this, so despite printed invitations, loss of a top notch photographer, a venue, friends having the day off scheduled ……we moved our wedding date to September 14th and to another location. It was really hard and his family was upset. One of my best friends could not attend because she was flying in from Las Vegas and could not change her tickets. It was a disaster, but Jeremy and I buckled up and found another way to have our small celebration. We picked a park and hoped that our friends would be able to attend.

While dealing with the social implications resulting from the woman who ran the small Ren Faire, we hoped that we could count on family to be supportive. Jeremy’s Mom got a friend to loan some chairs from an organization she belonged to. Jeremy’s dad got another photographer to take pictures. My Mom made costumes for my sister, her husband, her daughters, my brother, and for herself. My father did not attend since he was suffering from Parkinson’s and refused to go out in public, so my brother walked me down the….trail. We were all wearing different forms of Renaissance attire. We made matching costumes for Jeremy’s father and his step mom while Jeremy’s mother rented a costume. Most of our friends were able to attend, but we did not know that many people and just wanted to have a nice little wedding dressed in the costumes that my husband and I had made. We both had become pretty good costume makers. It was something we enjoyed doing together. Our best man was our best friend and since I did not have many female friends, I had a man of honor…..who missed the wedding because he decided to re-arrange his bag in the parking lot outside our apartment. My brother’s wife made us a wedding cake of a castle since she was and is a great baker. My nieces were flower girls and they looked adorable in their costumes. By the end of the day despite some asshole breaking into my sister’s car and stealing her purse, it was a really fun event.

Jeremy and I could not afford a honeymoon trip, but figured we could be happy in our apartment. There is a special high or level of excitement after getting married, and we were feeling that pleasant sensation of harmonious bliss. We were so happy. Everyone had been so kind. We were shocked by the gifts we had been given by so many people – many of whom we did not know. You see, we told Jeremy’s parents that they could invite friends and family. Now Jeremy’s dad did not invite that many, but his Mom turned it into her own private party of school teachers and therapists that she knew. You must realize that Jeremy’s parents did not divorce kindly. There was a great deal of animosity, so Jeremy and I had not thought about this because we were dealing with other problems, so his mother basically invited an army of supporters. We later realized that this may have made Jeremy’s dad and step mom feel uncomfortable. That was not something we wanted. Our wedding was not supposed to be a battle ground. And apparently, it was not….that was to be later and directed at us.

Remember that happy blissful feeling and all those gifts from strange people….. Well, Jeremy and I started the process of writing thank you notes to everyone. This was important to me so we got to work on it right away. I find it garish and tacky to describe gifts in a thank you note. What if the person gave something modest that came from the heart? Isn’t their gift just as important as the expensive set of dishes that we put into our registry…..that we were not really expecting to get? I did not want people that knew each other to compare thank you notes. And to be blunt, I had run into brides and grooms that did not send thank you notes for gifts at all. I still run into that, but I wanted to send something to say thank you for the kind gesture. Some people give money. Am I to write an essay on how beautiful the check was?!

You can feel it coming…..right? Well, it is……

We sent out thank you notes to everyone. We even sent a thank you note to the charitable organization that loaned us the chairs. I think it was a loaning of chairs. The chairs were returned. But you see, that was not good enough.

So the complaining began. Jeremy’s mother whined that we did not do the thank cards correctly and said that we had offended her friends and made her look bad. She complained and complained and complained. She told us that she would send out new thank you cards that were done correctly and demanded the list of addresses from us. ( I don’t think we gave her the list. No one in my family complained and neither did his dad.) Remember that happy blissful feeling that we were having…..it was gone within a week. That wedding joy that a happy in love couple feels was gone and we were mired in the drama of how we had done everything wrong. She would call and complain and Jeremy would do his best to endure this bullying tirade.

All the happy memories of the event seemed to fade away for me. The phone calls were constant to the point were I started to develop a phobia of the phone ringing because it would be her calling and upsetting Jeremy. She would cry on the phone. She would complain on the phone. She would argue on the phone. She would demand on the phone. She wanted Jeremy to come to her house to do things for her. Jeremy would be left in an emotional state for hours feeling perturbed. The only good days were days when she did not call and bother him. I hear stories about Jewish Moms being tough, but I don’t think they treat their sons like this. I had no idea that I had married a man with an extremely emotionally abusive mother. I know he felt bad about that. He had even said that he wanted to kill himself so that I would not have to deal with her anymore. This gem of a man did not deserve this kind of parent. He was an amazing person, the greatest best friend, and a wonderful loving husband. I would go to Christian Hell to rescue him………..and I think I did.

G. Winkler (c)2023

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Posted in Culture, death, Family, grief, Mental Health, wedding

Three Amigos minus one

Posted on July 5, 2023 by G. Winkler — Leave a comment

I am facing an up and coming dilemma. There is going to be an event next week and…….I am facing Princess Leia without Han Solo, Starsky without Hutch, Butch Cassidy without Sundance, Burns without Allen.

I have been doing costumed re-enactment and cosplay for thirty years with my best friend, aka my husband, and he is now gone. Do I stop doing something I enjoy? Do I stop doing something I love? Do I still like these things? Our best friend, Bill, is also in the same state of mind because we did these activities together. He is unsure if he will even enjoy going to a comic con event without Jeremy. I am unsure as well. Jeremy was always excited about doing Ren Faire and comic con events. He liked dressing up, hanging out with friends, he taught mini history classes in our Ren Faire guild to the public, he made costumes and props…and was always willing to help others with their costumes or load gear into a truck.

Jeremy, Bill, and myself

So what now? I rummaged through my costume gear and…..I just don’t have the energy to get into costume without Jeremy. When I dress as Darth Nihilus, he would look out after me because I wore a mask that reduced my eyesight down to 50%. And some costumes require that extra person to help you get into it. I look at him in the above picture smiling in his Jedi gear holding a lightsaber. We did everything together. Bill, Jeremy, and I were the three amigos and some considered us the troublesome trio. But trouble only came to those with darkness in their hearts. So once again I ask myself the question…can I do this? Will I hate it without him? And our best friend is asking the same questions.

After spending a couple of days going through the various types of costume gear, I think I have concluded that I will attend the event without a costume. It’s going to be hard enough without him being there getting excited about the vendors, cosplayers, panels, and taking photos and doing stories for our radio show. He was a great inspiration.

I have decided to continue collecting some of our favorite action figures, but I doubt I will go past them. He loved collecting t-shirts, role playing dice, action figures, Legos, models, and cool artwork. He would save up to attend these events because the man loved to shop. I think back….I have so many wonderful memories of him. So many thoughtful moments where he bought things for me since he wanted me to have fun too. Bill and I, aka Darth Sidious and Darth Nihilus, will have to go without our pretender Sith, Kylo Ren, who was working on an amazing Darth Bane costume from the Clone Wars. It’s going to be hard, but I think he would want us to go. He was that kind of loving and thoughtful person.

Jeremy and myself dressed as Landsknechts back in the 1990’s.

I will miss you, Sweetie.

G. Winkler (c) 2023

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Posted in Comic Cons, Costume, grief, Mental Health

First Impressions

Posted on June 30, 2023 by G. Winkler — Leave a comment

When I first meet Jeremy, he was carrying his bag of fencing gear across a small school gym where our fencing club used to practice. He was young and handsome and full of life. I remember standing with Tamela, a fellow fencer, as he walked towards us to get ready for the night’s practice. I recall finding him attractive and thinking he might be too young for me. I was seven years older than him, but I had been married and divorced recently. Divorce makes a person feel old and torn up inside. Not a good thing. Fencing was a good way to bring back life into my soul and I enjoyed fencing when I was in college.

After practice we would go to a local trendy coffee shop that sold all manner of drinks and goodies. I was more of a hot chocolate person since I had to drive home afterwards. Jeremy shared a table with Tamela and myself along with a few others. He was despondent. We asked him why. He explained that his mother had forgotten his 20th birthday and apparently had grabbed a bunch of stuff to give him such as soap, deodorant, and other toiletries that one would buy at a grocery store as normal household items. The crux of this story is that his birthday falls upon the notorious day of April Fools Day, not a day easily forgotten. His mother was not a humorous person, so this was not a joke. Perhaps she got busy. He also lived at home since he attended the nearby college, so it wasn’t like they did not see each other. She forgot and it hurt him.

As time went on, Jeremy and I found ourselves wanting to spend time together. I was pretty wary of people since the divorce, but when it came to him, I kept an open mind. We shared so many interests and he already understood what it was like to have a serious relationship that ended in heartbreak. He and his high school sweetheart had dated for about four years and had fallen apart due to curious circumstances surrounding his so called best friend. He was wary of love and so was I, but we were like kindred spirits. I remember the first personal thing he ever told. He stated that he was “always the first child dropped off at daycare and the last one to be picked up.” He also mentioned that sometimes the daycare lady would be upset because she wanted to go home, and his mother was late.

This first shared memory was a harbinger of how Jeremy saw himself for the rest of his life despite my efforts to tell him otherwise. He often told me that he felt unwanted and that everything was his fault. I didn’t feel that way. I told him that, but things would gnaw at him making him think otherwise. I don’t think I really understood all of this until he died and I had to deal with both of his parents on my own. They did not deserve to have a child like Jeremy. His father basically did not want him and only paid attention to him because his new wife thought that family was important. And his mother purposely got pregnant before his father was ready to support a child and saw Jeremy as a tool or object to control and use. The very thought that people would be this way seemed so very foreign to me. My parents were not perfect but…..they never made me feel like I was this unwanted useless thing to put blame upon. His parents divorced when he was a small toddler and he did not meet his father until he was nine years old.

As our relationship grew stronger, he told me that his mother blamed him for not being able to marry again. She told him that he chased away a man that she wanted to marry. Jeremy said that the man had a child of his own and he would give preference to his own child and treat Jeremy negatively. What child would like a person like that? What child would trust a person like that? Jeremy said the other kid was a bit of a jerk and unpleasant to be around, and this was coming from a very lonely only child stuck in a neighborhood filled with frat houses and college students. No children to play with except for a while there was a Mexican family that lived next door and Jeremy said he would sometimes play with those kids and the adults were kind.

The house that he and his mother lived in was the source of contention between his family. Apparently, his mother signed over the house rights to her brother so her husband could not claim his share of the property in the divorce. This resulted in the brother mortgaging the house several times putting his mother into debt and requiring her to work full time jobs that left little time for Jeremy. She also took college renters into the place. The garage had been somewhat modified and a space heater was placed in there so Jeremy was given this room while she slept in the normal bedroom with proper heating and insulation. I recall the floor in that space to be very hard like there was no subflooring and the carpet was that inexpensive kind that one would glue to the floor. You could see that the old garage door was still in place with some small windows that were part of the door. Jeremy used to complain about the cold and hated being cold throughout the rest of his life. He often had trouble with his hands and feet being cold and I often wondered if being a little kid sleeping and playing in a cold garage could have affected him somehow. If not physically, then emotionally. But his mother was a school teacher and counselor and then a marriage and family therapist, so this makes all her actions correct. Right?……..

That will be a topic for another time.

G. Winkler (c) 2023

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Posted in Culture, death, grief

The empty void of loss

Posted on June 23, 2023 by G. Winkler — Leave a comment

On March 19th year 2023 late in the evening hours, my life was changed forever. And not in a good way.

The best friend that I could ever possibly hope for in life died within a blink of an eye. It wasn’t a fatal car crash or other act of violence….he died from an illness that can be easily treated. It’s not even that expensive to treat hypertension. You just need a doctor to care when you show up for your appointment stating that you think something is wrong. We didn’t know that my husband of almost 27 years, had a very enlarged heart from years of hypertension.

We lived a healthy lifestyle where we ate organic when we could, low fat, low salt, no HFCS, no MSG, and avoided many other chemicals that are negative to one’s health. He never smoked or abused any kind of drug. Rarely drank alcohol and when he did, it was a modest amount. We could not afford a lot of meat in our diet and if we were lucky, we had red meat perhaps twice a week. We enjoyed eating fish and staying active. But he just didn’t feel well and after getting a good job with Home Depot, he finally had health insurance. He was also very physically active at work, which was full time. He felt tired and achy, and we wondered if it was from the odd weight gain that he experienced while being unemployed. He really thought he would lose the weight with all the physical activity and reasonable diet.

When he did not lose the weight and felt miserable, he felt it was time to see a doctor. He wanted answers. We wondered if he had some kind of illness or perhaps high cholesterol. Either way, he wanted the doctor to do some blood tests. Sometimes he felt dizzy, had headaches, and felt like his heart was really pounding.

So he made the appointment and went that summer of 2022. The doctor requested the tests and when he attended his follow up appointment, the doctor told him to lay off the red meat and carbs. No medicine to deal with the somewhat higher than normal cholesterol was offered. My husband and best friend was confused, devastated, and reluctant about the results and advice he was given during his follow up medical consultation. Despite the ridiculous advice the doctor gave him, he reduced the amount of carbohydrates he consumed during his lunch breaks at work and switched to fresh veggies and some dressing. The red meat request was so ridiculous that we just continued as normal with only once or twice a week having it.

He died one peaceful evening and we never saw it coming. At least I didn’t. I had been concerned and when I got a job that allowed me to put him on my insurance, we moved him from his Home Depot healthcare to the new one in hopes of finding a new doctor for him and perhaps some better answers. But that was all too late. He was 49 years old.

He was the kindest person and the world lost someone great that night….all because his doctor didn’t take his concerns seriously. I have no idea what she was thinking. I just know now that my life isn’t worth living without him and she is somewhere giving bad care to other people, who could end up like Jeremy.

I have decided that the world will not forget Jeremy. I will leave something of this precious man for this world to recall. I will tell you about him, if I have the strength…… in this blog.

G. WINKLER (c)2023

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Posted in Culture, death, Education, Family, grief, health

Family getting old…

Posted on November 12, 2022 by G. Winkler — Leave a comment

I am exhausted. Why?

I have been helping my Mom recover from a broken femur joint that required a partial hip replacement…and she is 88 years old. Not exactly young to be having that kind of surgery. It’s hard to watch parents get old. I am starting to see it in my siblings as well. It’s weird because I am the youngest and there is an almost hardwired concept that they should all stay the same.

Even my cat is getting old.

My father is already gone, but he had Parkinson’s. It aged him and ruined my parent’s retirement years. They had planned to do something fun together like play golf. That did not happen. Instead my Mom spent years taking care of my Dad all by herself. That meant she also cared for the house, yard, finances, shopping, driving, dog, herself, and Dad. It must have been exhausting.

At least with my Mom, she is open to trying something like the shower chair. Dad didn’t want to do it so she had to bath him by hand. Yesterday, we tried the shower chair for the first time. She was comfortable to be able to take care of herself. Items like shower chairs, special toilet seats, sock helpers, and reaching tools have all been good. She also already had a nice walker for Dad, which she can use now.

Stuff that used to be easy is now a challenge. I look at all of this and wonder….when will be my turn? I don’t have children. I will be alone unless my husband is still around. I think I want to go fast. BAM! Like a thunderbolt and it’s no longer a problem. My Mom takes all this stuff with kindness, patience, and tenancy. If we had been Catholic, she would have been a candidate for sainthood. You can even ask the nice lady, Carol, that she shared a room with after surgery recovery. My Mom is kind.

Now it is a matter of time and waiting for her to recover. And she does seem to be getting stronger slowly, but it is hard to be patient. I don’t think I am as kind as my Mom. Or is it patient? Not sure. But I do know I am exhausted.

I wonder how many older people are out there with no family or friends. If you have elderly family members, visit them now. Look at how they are living. Do they need help cleaning their home? Taking care of the yard? From my observations of my own parents and my friend’s parents, when people get older they have to make choices of what battles to fight.

My friend’s parents had three bathrooms in their house but nothing worked correctly in one bathroom. They had to shower in one and use the toilet in another because finding reliable help and paying for that help was not an option. Their hall carpet had become ruined and sometimes they tripped on it. They could not afford to fix the carpet. Luckily for them, my friend is smart and resourceful and removed the carpet and put down vinyl planking. He fixed the basic plumbing problems making their lives easier and safer. They hired a handy man to fix their paver driveway. The pavers needed to be reset. The man said he could do the work and agreed to the price they could pay. Then when the work was too difficult the man refused to finish the job leaving their driveway a mess. My friend’s 80 plus year old father went out and started finishing the work himself. He used to get tired and had a chair that he would rest upon in between. The rest of their yard also needed work, so my friend, my husband, and I removed the giant weeds that were growing in their yard causing a fire hazard.

The point is…. Look for stuff that isn’t right. Look for where you can help your senior family and friends.

I made a mistake in not looking or being nosy enough. It’s not in my nature to pry into other people’s business. My Mom came down with a skin condition and the doctor asked a lot of strange questions about taking showers regularly, changing clothes, and washing bed sheets. He never asked about the condition of her shower. I never thought anything of it. Well, in our area we have been having trouble with orange colored mildew and something that might be black mold. I had no idea that my Mom could no longer clean her shower. When she was gone for her surgery, I decided to clean her bedroom and bathroom. I then discovered that her pearly white tiled shower was orange. I was shocked. She never complained. It’s not in her nature. It took me two weeks to clean that shower. Then I asked about the skin condition and if it could be caused by mildew or mold. The answer was yes.

That situation could have been prevented. We just need to be more mindful of what battles our elderly family and friends can actually fight and which ones they have to surrender to. Currently, I am watching a yard in our neighbor slowly dry up and be filled with weeds. The man that lives there is very elderly. The yard is no longer on his list of important battles to win. I wonder if his family, and he has family, are taking care of anything for him. I do the yard battles for my Mom now and have been for quite some time.

So what is my point? Check up on your older friends and family. Is there something you can help them with? Removing just one battle can make their life just a little bit better. Ask yourself how many times were they there for you? You can be there for them.

G. Winkler (c) 2022

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Posted in ancestors, Culture, Family, health, Mental Health, Relatives, senior care

It’s been a long time

Posted on August 2, 2022 by G. Winkler — Leave a comment

Wow, has it been a long time since I created a post on this blog! I had a computer go sideways on me, which created all kinds of unnecessary drama. Then the pandemic happened. And so on…. I am not one for life drama. I like my drama to be in the books I write, read, and movies I watch. Not real life.

The software for the WordPress site has really changed. Oh my….I hope I will be able to figure it out. So now that I have re-accessed my first blog, I need to think about what I would like to do with it. I like writing about art and craft type art, sharing photography, cosplay, and Star Wars of course. So I don’t think that will change. Give me some time and I will come up with something to share. 🙂

G. Winkler

Posted in Uncategorized

So what now?

Posted on November 9, 2020 by G. Winkler — Leave a comment

I was really hoping we would get some peace, but the Press has decided to declare who is the next President. Which would be okay if the official vote count had been already completed or if there had been a landslide victory,…….but there wasn’t. It is a very close race. After many years of weird politics and rabid press,…….We, the people of the United States, need a fair, clear, honest victory regardless of who wins. ( I am nonpartisan by the way. I see stuff a bit differently.) It is not the Press who gets to decide the winner. It is supposed to be the voters,…..that’s us…..you know American citizens. Or else our one vote would not matter.

I am saddened to think we may have more years of angry drama that doesn’t need to exist. We don’t need daily drama, and that is what the press is serving up. That is not what their mandate or calling is….but whoever owns them, seems to think so. The journalists have lost their soul and free will to follow their true path, which is to report news in an unbiased manner.

Personally, I hate politics. But it seems to be a necessary evil of Human nature. We don’t always agree with each other on how to do stuff. It is part of life sadly enough. I guess we would not be Human if we didn’t disagree once in a while. But it is how we disagree that is so important, and we have forgotten how to do so in a civilized manner. The Masons, an old fraternal group that I am familiar with, has a saying amongst members that, “We agree to disagree.” It’s okay not to agree, but we don’t need to become monsters about it. The ranks of the Masons came from all kinds of ages, races, religions, and yes now, genders. I can attend Lodge in Europe. Due to the weird laws of times ago, an extra Lodge was created for people of African heritage. It was called Prince Hall. As a black Mason, you can attend either now. You don’t have to be a member of the Prince Hall Lodge.

The Masons also have a very simple requirement concerning religion, you have to believe in some kind of deity, so that puts the atheists at a disadvantage. So why do you need to believe in something greater, bigger, or wiser than yourself? Because there is a spiritual component in Masonry, so a true atheist would be at a loss in Lodge. He or she would feel left out and empty. That would be unfair to offer them the experience when they won’t be able to do so. Our founding fathers of this country were Masons, and you know what, they didn’t always agree with each other. But they found a way to be respectful of each other’s opinions. This is what seems to have gone away. I started to really notice the change of behavior when H. Clinton and B. Obama were competing for the Democratic nomination. More than likely, it was growing long before that. Perhaps back to G.W. Bush presidency or even B. Clinton’s administration.  Not sure.  The Patriot Act didn’t seem to help either.  The Press got weirder.

So, why did the Press get so weird? I thought it went back to O.J. Simpson’s bronco chase and Rodney King’s situation that eventually erupted in violent riots. It seemed like the news people were high on the drama unfolding.  All the world was watching them and they were now oh so important and influential.  But older friends have pointed out that other things have occurred that might be the root cause of the moral or integrity change in journalism. Apparently, the news is now rated.  You know, like your favorite TV shows.  TV shows that have higher ratings get more money for the commercials they sell.  Like the Super Bowl. Those commercial sell for millions of dollars.

I miss the days of Walter Cronkite.  He gave us the facts of a situation, and he respected us enough to come to our own conclusions.  If we truly wanted to hear other people’s ideas concerning a topic, there were other shows that discussed current events, but not the News. The News was reported factual events to the best of their ability. The minute a reporter puts their personal spin on news events, it now makes it suspect to whether it is propaganda instead of news. The National Socialist Party in 1930’s Germany were masters of putting a spin on events getting everyday people to accept their view of how the world should be. The people were brainwashed into a secret civil war where millions of their fellow Germans were murdered. Think about how influential information is and how facts can be construed. This is why it is so important to have journalists that are of a high quality and integrity. The news is supposed to be factual unbiased information.

In my opinion, we are doomed to have more years of useless stupid stressful drama shoved down our throats for many more years to come until we get a proper press back into place.  I have thought this for about fifteen years now, and  I wonder why it is getting worse.   Who owns these companies that control our news agencies?  Why don’t they see the intense harm that is being done to the citizens of this country and perhaps the citizens of the world?  I guess if I knew, I would be a wiser person than just one sitting at a computer typing a blog wondering what on Earth is going on?

G. Winkler ©2020

 

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Posted in Culture, current events, History

The Sith Gardener

Posted on June 22, 2020 by G. Winkler — Leave a comment

Self portrait of me as the Sith Gardener with rake and lighsaber.

I thought I had posted this poem and picture a while ago, but when I searched for it to share with a friend, it was gone.  What happened?  I was really sure I had done so.  Am I getting old really fast?  Am I now in an alternate universe? (Which would explain a lot.)  Regardless, it is not posted anywhere and I had wanted to share this to help get interest in my friend’s work.  She is an artist and sells lovely greeting cards and has put together a charming little picture book that tells of a very different experience than my in the garden.  Her name is Carol Gillman and the book she wrote and published is The First Day of Spring.

 

 

The Sith Gardener by Gretchen Winkler © 2019

On the long journey of gardening the Sith Gardener sees the chaos before him.

On the long journey of gardening the Sith Gardener puts out suet cakes to attract minions to his cause.

The Sith Gardener sizes up his enemies the juniper, ivy, and Oregon grape.  They do battle.

On the long journey of gardening the Sith Gardener mows the lawn and kills the weeds.

On the long journey of gardening the Sith Gardener plants the flowers that pleases his eye.

The Sith Gardener observes the squirrel who tears up the bulbs, sleeps on the flowers, and suns himself mockingly on the fence.

On the long journey of gardening the Sith Gardener meditates on what still needs order.

On the  long journey of gardening the Sith Gardener installs the water system to make his Empire grow.

The Sith Gardener endures the hot sun, the stifling pollen, the annoying wasps, the bitter drought, and the desolate clay ridden soil.

On the long journey of gardening the Sith Gardener greets the bunny who pretends to be a rock in his presence.

On the long journey of gardening the Sith Gardener views the turkey vulture soaring above with majesty.

The Sith Gardener has the last laugh when he looks upon the order that he has brought to his new Empire and the power he now wields in the garden.

 

This poetic story was inspired by writer Carol Gilman, author of The First Day of Spring.  She has a very different experience in her yard.

 

G. Winkler ©2020

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Posted in Art, Culture, Inspiration

Why essential is not the same to everyone

Posted on April 8, 2020 by G. Winkler — Leave a comment

Within the last couple of days I have seen articles, post, reports, and videos about non-essential items should not be allowed to be sold.  One news article reported that people were complaining about the local golf course being open.  Really.  If the course owners and players are following the guidelines, then why can’t people who can play golf go out and do it?

Sour grapes.

You know envy and jealousy.  If someone else can do something they love and you can’t.  Then there was the numerous complaints about non-essential businesses being open.  The officials in charge of regulating this stuff went to those locations and none of them were open.  Once again that selfish behavior of being righteously judgemental and secretly jealous.  This needs to stop.

I don’t have the money or gear to play golf, but I am not going to say those people should stop if they are following the rules.  That person playing golf may be clearing their head of anger, frustration, and thoughts of suicide.  Golf might be that lifeline to serenity to that keeps them from doing something they would regret.  Judging what other people are doing and why is a primitive behavior.  We all do it.  But to let it out of the box and into the world to infect other people’s lives is a sign of selfishness.  That we can all rise above.  Change our behavior.  Acknowledge trained reactions that may be a negative force in our society.  Stop trying to change the world with anger and hate.  It only brings more anger and hate.  It is a cycle that feeds itself.  Stop feeding it.

Yesterday, I say an article that Costco and Walmart should not be selling anything other than food.  Once again, if the store is taking the required health measures, why are these people complaining?  The article said that books, arts and craft supplies, clothes, cosmetics, yard care materials, toys and household appliances were not essential.  How are they judging that?  What makes them judges?  Do they understand the needs of every single household in this country?

I doubt it.

There are a lot of craft oriented people out there making stuff for our healthcare workers.  They are making masks for themselves as well to help protect everyone.  So why keep them from having the tools they need?  Some people just need to keep busy.  Working on yards, repainting the house, reading books, buying toys and games to help keep children happy and occupied are normal healthy things for people to do.  And the clothes still being sold…..how do these “essential judges” know what people need?  What if your favorite pair of shoes just got a hole in them, and your now can’t go for walks, which is the only thing keeping you sane while you are unable to work.  Why does some judgemental person get to determine that you buying a new pair of shoes is not essential?  It shouldn’t.  People shop at Costco because they like the prices and what is being offered.  Yes, it is a membership store.  Is that the problem?  Sour grapes again?  My sturdy pair of tennis shoes now have a rip in them.  I can wait a while longer to get a new pair.  They are still usable, but what if that other person’s shoes has damage that hurts their feet bad?  Just because I can wait doesn’t mean the other person should.

We don’t spend enough time using our imagination to see how someone else’s life might be.  The current society just judges the outside from a shallow point of view.  Stop that.  Just please stop that.  It is like a disease.  It spreads nothing but misery just like COVID 19.

I had a friend in college that would complain all the time.  He used to complain about the football players, the university administration, the way people were dressed, what music they listened to and so on…..  I was never much of a complainer, but I caught myself doing it.   Complaining about stuff that didn’t matter to me.  What the heck?!?!   His negativity was infectious.  Next time you complain about a politician or some group of people, ask yourself why?  Why are you complaining?  Are you that deeply affected by the events?  Is it because your friends and family expect you to complain?  Ask yourself why?  You may find yourself unable to answer that question.  You may find something lurking like a hidden injury that had never been acknowledged and had not healed.  In my case with my college friend, I was simply picking up bad behavior from him.  I worked to stop it.  You can to.  We can all do it.

During this time we may find ourselves having to take care of problems that we might have asked others for assistance with such as my friend in Oregon has a broken furnace.  He is pretty skillful but is no HVAC expert, but he is trying to solve the problem himself.  Other people may be having appliances that are now in more use due to staying home that have broken.  Maybe they were broken before and they just ate out in restaurants.  Perhaps they have lost their job and well, eating at home is cheaper.  Think before you complain.  Think before you encourage others to make things worse because you didn’t have any of those needs.

We can get through this.  Don’t be so quick to join the “Essentials only” bandwagon.  Essential means different things to different people.  We can make it through this pandemic.  We need to pull deep into that higher part of ourselves and work on being patient and mindful.  Save the drama and complaining when it is about something truly important.

G. Winkler April 2020 ©

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Posted in Consumer alert, Culture, current events, Education, Inspiration, Mental Health